Morning MAGA – 10 Feb 2017 – Surprise Interview Edition!
Up and at 'em, patriots! Another Friday morning has dawned upon this beautiful Trump Timeline, so grab your Black Rifle coffee and buckle up…
First order of business: A SPICY interview! A certain someone (who has accepted funding from a certain real-life supervillain) recently agreed to attend a brief Q&A with us. He's requested that we conceal his true identity out of fear of his overlord's penchant for retribution (cough cough Berkely cough!)
So without further ado, here is the totally genuine and not-fake-at-all transcript of our interview with Not-David Brock! It's definitely NOT David Brock, okay? I repeat, it's not this hairdouche at all! That's right, we protect our anonymous sources, baby!
Surprise Interview No. 1: Not-David Brock
The_Donald: Good morning sir, thank you for joining us today!
Not-David Brock: Did… did you just assume my gender?
The_Donald: For crying out loud. Look, before we get started, you have a little something on your face… No, the other side… Snappy, could you get the man a tissue?
Not-David Brock: It's not jizz, you know!
The_Donald: We, um, we never said it was j-
Not-David Brock: IT'S NOT JIZZ!!!
The_Donald: Alright… let's get this show on the road then, shall we? Your people continuously push the false narrative that the "whole world" is against President Donald Trump. How then do you explain the 1.2 billion Indians, hundreds of millions of Eastern Europeans and Russians, the Philippines, Israel, Japan, South Korea, most of Africa and South America et cetera all supporting the US President? In fact, it would be easier to list the few countries in which there have been so-called anti-Trump protests, all of which have been predominantly white nations in Western Europe, Australasia, and North America…
Not-David Brock: I know you are, but what am I?
The_Donald: Do you not see the irony of leftists referring to exclusively majority-white nations as "the whole world"?
Not-David Brock: [Sticks fingers in ears] Blah blah blah blah! I can't hear you! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
The_Donald: Perhaps we'd better move on, then. With regard to the now well-known fact that both the Black Lives Matter and Antifa hate groups are also funded by George Soros, are you comfortably aware that your own Soros-funded company, Shareblue, is therefore complicit in the hatred and violence perpetrated by these pay-for-riots extremists?
Not-David Brock: It's not gay if only the tip goes in!
The_Donald: That's entirely beyond the scope of this interview, not-David. Moving swiftly along, with corporate mainstream media such as CNN, CBS, and MSNBC all promoting fake news for the sake of the liberal agenda, are you not afraid of turning people away from your cause by simply parroting the mainstream media's lies?
Not-David Brock: Watch what I can do when I put my hands together like this and grab hold of my thumb… and then I do THIS! See that? My thumb is off! There goes my thumb! Haha. Now I'll bring it back again! And it's off! Now it's back! What's happening to my thumb? Hahahaha.
The_Donald: That's wonderfully droll. Yes, very clever. Okay, final question: We've noticed that after failing to dissuade our users by infiltrating our sub and down-voting every post, you've now concentrated your efforts on filling every other sub with your Shareblue shills instead. How is this new strategy working out for you?
Not-David Brock: Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! [Takes a deep breath] REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
The_Donald: Okay, woah! Calm down! Easy does it. Here you go… that's right. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Alright, just keep the paper bag to your mouth. You'll be fine.
Not-David Brock: Can I please have my yoghurt now? You guys promised!
Thank you to our totally anonymous guest for that valuable insight. I'll be doing my best to bring you more such interviews in the future, with guests like Elizabeth Warren, John McCain, and maybe even the devil himself, the one and only George Soros (hold thumbs!)
President Donald Trump's Schedule for Today:
9:00 AM: Receive daily intelligence briefing – Oval Office
9:30 AM: Tape Weekly Address – Diplomatic Room
10:00 AM: Meet with Senator Mitch McConnell – Oval Office
12:00 PM: Hold a bilateral meeting with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe – Oval Office
1:00 PM: Hold a joint press conference with Japanese Prime Minster Shinzō Abe – East Room
1:35 PM: Working luncheon with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe – State Dining Room
3:00 PM: Depart the White House for Joint Base Andrews – South Lawn
5:45 PM: Arrive in West Palm Beach, Florida – Atlantic Aviation at Palm Beach International Airport
8:00 PM: Dinner with First Lady Melania Trump, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzō Abe, and Mrs. Abe – Mar-a-Lago
Ted Malloch's RT Interview:
As the potential next US Ambassador to the EU, Ted Malloch has got the Euro-flakes all riled up already:
Seriously folks, this gentleman means business. Have you ever seen someone so calm and confident in the face of so much
adversity whining? Other than DJT and the Mad Dog, obviously. No wonder those krauts are shaking in their boots. I mean, why wouldn't they? This is the first time they'll be dealing with someone who isn't on the Soros payroll. Poor darlings.
And now for something completely different. Again.
Would You Rather…
…spend a day at the gun range with General Mike Flynn and unlimited ammo for a pair of miniguns?
…get your grill on with Dr. Ben Carson, as you work together to create the perfect barbecue ribs?
If you'd like to nominate a mascot for today's thread, send me a PM and I'll sticky your pride and joy in the comments!