Sunday Evening MAGAthread – Bernie Sanders Eulogy Edition
Hello comrades, fellow socialist and enemy of America, /u/WarOfTheFanboys, here. It is with great sadness that I announce the passing of Bernie Sanders. His body was discovered this morning at 6am when his personal maid, Luisa, found him in the bedroom of his third home in Florida. He was pronounced deceased on the scene. Cause of death was SIDS: Socialist Idiot Death Syndrome. Today is a day of mourning for all liberal arts college students who took out loans for degrees that will never get us a job paying more than $9.50/hr and put us in debt for decades because that’s what our high school’s liberal guidance counselor drilled into our heads for four years.
I’d like to take a few moments to recall the fond memories of our beloved cuck and remind you: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BERNIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Sorry, I promised I wouldn’t let my emotions get the best of me. I just think back over what a difficult and oppressed life I’ve had and how Bernie was my only hope because I possess no skills and have no purpose in a modern society. Always remember, when we were morbidly obese, Cuck Sanders promised us unlimited insulin shots. When we were dying our hair neon colors in a desperate bid for our attention, Cuck Sanders promised he would make the 1% pay for our mistakes. When we were poor and struggling to put food on our wives’ children’s plates, Cuck Sanders was there to accept our donations. And most importantly, when we lashed out in violence against our fellow Americans, Cuck Sanders was silent.
I’d like to thank Cuck Sanders for all the delicious tendies he served in the last year of his life. If it weren’t for him getting schlonged so hard in New York, the greedy capitalist pigs would have kept the tendies on the plate for themselves. Bernie saw this and screamed and threw the tendies to the floor for all us bottom feeders to enjoy. Truly selfless.
Then Backstabber Bernie taught us all a lesson in trust. He did his circuit, taking our money, rallying against the establishment. But then old sneaky Sanders turned around and sold us all out to the establishment! What a joker! I know I sure haven’t learned my lesson when it comes to believing the promises of an ancient politician who never worked a day in his life when he comes panhandling. Have you? ; )
So please comrades, Match Me as I mourn for Colonel Cuck Sanders. I like to think Bernie is looking down on us, getting cucked in heaven right now. RIP in Peace.
REMEMBER: BERNIE CAN STILL WIN! IT’S NOT TOO LATE REEEEEEE-
Songs to help you cope: